Saturday, July 26, 2003
And you gotta have Faith
Had a really busy day today, was at the temple for prayer session. Today was the beginning of the infamous " Hungry Ghost Festival". But to buddhists, it's the festival of filial piety. The ceremony was quite complicated and very different from the usual dharma function. I was utterly lost in the sutra, which was unusually long. I found my concentration wavering at various points as I plowed through the unfamiliar "fan ti" characters, attempting to extract some meaning from the words as my tongue stumbled over the pronounciation of the words of my so-called native tongue. Before I could figure out where the congregation was in the passage, they started engaging in intricately timed kowtows. For me and some other "newbies", we were left perplexed, utterly wrecking the rhythm of the ceremony. I sent a silent prayer of forgiveness to Shi Jia Mo Ni Fo as I mistimed yet another bow. Fortunately, the last part of the ceremony involved the usual sutras. I heaved a sigh of relieve as I chanted the familiar words with ease. As I have addressed in my previous entry, the draw of the old and familiar does narrow our horizons.
The reverend rounded up with a lesson about the festival and the sutra. It was a really tough talk to translate. I tried to do some mental translation but ended up in a tangle. If it was me, I would have just given up in a tick. But KaiLun., our head translator, took it in his stride. He was fantastic, churning out an excellent translation after the Shi Fu had preached a whole chunky paragraph. It was only after the session, when he was appealing to me to do the next translation, that I found out that he was really really nervous. Translating is definitely no child's play. I've no idea why I even volunteered in the first place. I was pretty excited when I was offered the job. ( However, I was a bit unnerved by the shocked look on Kailun's face when I eagerly took up his offer.)Later I realised the underlying cause of his shock: Translating wasn't easy. In fact, it was almost impossible to pull off. I had bitten off more than what I could chew. My shakey grasp in chinese was simply not enough to provide an adequate translation. I left the non chinese speakers in the congregation utterly bemused, the reverend mildly amused, and me with whatever shreds were left of my confidence. I still recall the horrified look on Trudy's face as she tried valiantly to help me mouth an acceptable english word. I stood there smiling idiotically at the crowd, grasping the mic and feeling a hot flush engulfing my face. All I wanted to do after the talk was bury my face in the chow mian that was being served for lunch. KaiLun tried to assure me I did a okay. I had a few people come up and tell me " great job". All I could muster was a shakey "thank you". I was about to remind them not to violate a precept by lying just to make me feel better. I flatly refused to translate for the 7th month lectures when asked to. In fact, I wanted out totally. But Kailun convinced me to give it another go, so i'm still stuck with the job. Bravery or stupidity? But it did help me get to know the people in the temple much better and I feel much happier when I go for service. Or maybe the reason why I relented was because Kailun's cherubic 17 month old daughter was smiling at me.
I always wondered why people need religion. ( shades of General paper.. ) Religion vs. Science. I did consider myself as an atheist at one point of my life, simply because most religious theories conflicted glaringly with scientific theories, eg. evolution. Since arriving in Melbourne, I decided to clarify my spiritual crisis. I started reading up more, attending the temple services and helping out at the temple on Saturdays.
I've considered buddhism my religion since I was really young mainly because my family observes the practices. But the reasons and origins of those practices have been lost with time and I found myself blindly following traditions and rituals just because I had too. As a teen ( shades of psychology), I decided to look for my own identity. ( I know it sounds very idealistic, like those stuff you read skeptically in articles about parenting your rebellious teen. But hell, it's true.) Coming to Melbourne was a good opportunity for me to rediscover the connection with my religion. Through the dharma talks and functions and my own readings, I've come to understand the different practices and learnt to question them. I can't say I believe everything in buddhism and the great thing is that it's perfectly alright! The great Buddha himself encouraged questioning of his teachings. I think I need some more time to accept his dharma, but for the moment, I'm just starting to appreciate it bit by bit. The peace that sweeps over me during the chanting of the sutras is indescribable. I guess some of us do need a greater being to guide us and to give us spiritual strength. Becoming a more active buddhist has certainly given my life more direction. I look forward to sessions on Saturday and the activities that arise. Translating for the reverends has also forced me to read up more and help fuel my interest in Buddhism. I"ve also found that i'm a lot closer to my culture than before as many buddhist teachings use traditional tales to get the message across. And I think i've learnt something else too, to have faith in myself.... in my beliefs and in my abilities. I pray I can do the next translation without confusing the whole congregation again. May Buddha give me the strength to help others understand his teachings. Na Mo Shi Jia Mo Ni Fo. Na Mo Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa.
Had a really busy day today, was at the temple for prayer session. Today was the beginning of the infamous " Hungry Ghost Festival". But to buddhists, it's the festival of filial piety. The ceremony was quite complicated and very different from the usual dharma function. I was utterly lost in the sutra, which was unusually long. I found my concentration wavering at various points as I plowed through the unfamiliar "fan ti" characters, attempting to extract some meaning from the words as my tongue stumbled over the pronounciation of the words of my so-called native tongue. Before I could figure out where the congregation was in the passage, they started engaging in intricately timed kowtows. For me and some other "newbies", we were left perplexed, utterly wrecking the rhythm of the ceremony. I sent a silent prayer of forgiveness to Shi Jia Mo Ni Fo as I mistimed yet another bow. Fortunately, the last part of the ceremony involved the usual sutras. I heaved a sigh of relieve as I chanted the familiar words with ease. As I have addressed in my previous entry, the draw of the old and familiar does narrow our horizons.
The reverend rounded up with a lesson about the festival and the sutra. It was a really tough talk to translate. I tried to do some mental translation but ended up in a tangle. If it was me, I would have just given up in a tick. But KaiLun., our head translator, took it in his stride. He was fantastic, churning out an excellent translation after the Shi Fu had preached a whole chunky paragraph. It was only after the session, when he was appealing to me to do the next translation, that I found out that he was really really nervous. Translating is definitely no child's play. I've no idea why I even volunteered in the first place. I was pretty excited when I was offered the job. ( However, I was a bit unnerved by the shocked look on Kailun's face when I eagerly took up his offer.)Later I realised the underlying cause of his shock: Translating wasn't easy. In fact, it was almost impossible to pull off. I had bitten off more than what I could chew. My shakey grasp in chinese was simply not enough to provide an adequate translation. I left the non chinese speakers in the congregation utterly bemused, the reverend mildly amused, and me with whatever shreds were left of my confidence. I still recall the horrified look on Trudy's face as she tried valiantly to help me mouth an acceptable english word. I stood there smiling idiotically at the crowd, grasping the mic and feeling a hot flush engulfing my face. All I wanted to do after the talk was bury my face in the chow mian that was being served for lunch. KaiLun tried to assure me I did a okay. I had a few people come up and tell me " great job". All I could muster was a shakey "thank you". I was about to remind them not to violate a precept by lying just to make me feel better. I flatly refused to translate for the 7th month lectures when asked to. In fact, I wanted out totally. But Kailun convinced me to give it another go, so i'm still stuck with the job. Bravery or stupidity? But it did help me get to know the people in the temple much better and I feel much happier when I go for service. Or maybe the reason why I relented was because Kailun's cherubic 17 month old daughter was smiling at me.
I always wondered why people need religion. ( shades of General paper.. ) Religion vs. Science. I did consider myself as an atheist at one point of my life, simply because most religious theories conflicted glaringly with scientific theories, eg. evolution. Since arriving in Melbourne, I decided to clarify my spiritual crisis. I started reading up more, attending the temple services and helping out at the temple on Saturdays.
I've considered buddhism my religion since I was really young mainly because my family observes the practices. But the reasons and origins of those practices have been lost with time and I found myself blindly following traditions and rituals just because I had too. As a teen ( shades of psychology), I decided to look for my own identity. ( I know it sounds very idealistic, like those stuff you read skeptically in articles about parenting your rebellious teen. But hell, it's true.) Coming to Melbourne was a good opportunity for me to rediscover the connection with my religion. Through the dharma talks and functions and my own readings, I've come to understand the different practices and learnt to question them. I can't say I believe everything in buddhism and the great thing is that it's perfectly alright! The great Buddha himself encouraged questioning of his teachings. I think I need some more time to accept his dharma, but for the moment, I'm just starting to appreciate it bit by bit. The peace that sweeps over me during the chanting of the sutras is indescribable. I guess some of us do need a greater being to guide us and to give us spiritual strength. Becoming a more active buddhist has certainly given my life more direction. I look forward to sessions on Saturday and the activities that arise. Translating for the reverends has also forced me to read up more and help fuel my interest in Buddhism. I"ve also found that i'm a lot closer to my culture than before as many buddhist teachings use traditional tales to get the message across. And I think i've learnt something else too, to have faith in myself.... in my beliefs and in my abilities. I pray I can do the next translation without confusing the whole congregation again. May Buddha give me the strength to help others understand his teachings. Na Mo Shi Jia Mo Ni Fo. Na Mo Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa.
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