Sunday, August 10, 2003
Burnt out and frozen.
I don't know what in the world is wrong with me. On Saturday morning, i felt a twinge of exhaustion as I did my marketing with HH, but it didn't bother me much and I shrugged it off. But later when I was chanting the sutras in the temple, it came back with a vengence. I felt exhausted. It was as though I couldn't pick myself up and move on with the activities I had to do. It felt like I had just run into a wall headon and was sitting on the floor in an utter daze. I felt riduculously irritated at everyone although they had done zilch to offend me in anyway. I could barely listen to Shi Fu's sermon and I couldn't summon enough concentration to practise my translating skills. I prayed to the Buddha to help me ease my turmoil.
Trudy told me I looked so tired but I just laughed it off and put it down to the extreme lack of sleep. I had to deal with a packed schedule for the whole of the past week and my mind and body were complaining over the lack of rest, but there were so many things to do I couldn't slip out of the momentum of things. Trudy and I discussed about Buddhism as we made our way to the university. Even with the cool wind blowing in my face, i found it hard to even concentrate on where I was placing my feet.
I located HH in the library and pulled out my lecture notes to revise, but my brain felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton wool. I laid my head down to rest and promptly drifted off until one hour before closing time. " Good morning princess!" HH chirped. BUt her remark failed to elicit the usual smile from me. She peered at my form which was sprawled uncermoniously on the table and chided me for not going to bed. How to? I couldn't even restuff my metabolic pathways in my head. They had all disappeared into nothingness even after I had gone through them about 3 times. I gave up, packed up my stuff and dragged myself home. I had a pot luck session to attend.
I made my way home, hauled out my pots and pans and started trying to make shephard's pie. Then I packed everything up and walked to WY's house. We were going to surprise her with a birthday cake cum celebration and I didn't wanna miss it. The spread was sumptuous and as usual, Nic's teriyaki Salmon took centre stage. I hated to spoil the dinner but i was really feeling like crap at night. " Come on," I muttered inwardly. " Spruce up. There's nothing wrong with you." But my quesiness just increased as the evening went on and my friends remarked that I looked awful. Awful?? But I had no symptoms! What on earth was the matter with me? I just couldn't figure. I was immensely touched by my friends' concern. But it seemed rather amusing. I was in a room surround by would be doctors and I couldn't figure what bug I had caught.
I managed to stay for the entire gathering and as usual, I enjoyed myself immensely. But I felt guilty for being such a drip in the party. I put myself to bed early and awoke to the sound of sms messages asking me if I felt better. I felt blessed to have such wonderful and caring buddies. I cleaned my house which was looking more like a pig sty everyday and cooked lunch for HH and myself. She dropped by after Church and we started chatting about our grandparents' and our parents' lives. Queer topic, but it was pretty interesting.
The quesiness returned and I started feeling like crap again in the afternoon so I didn't head for the library with HH. I headed straight to bed after an attempt to do my HMB essay. I'm still trying my best to do the essay now but I can't seem to concentrate. I 'm reminded of the question I got once.. Is it possible to feel ill without any signs of disease. Well, my answer to you is OF COURSE!!!!!
I still can't figure why I feel so crapped up and the tiredness as yet to cease tormenting me. All I can hope is that I'll be up and ready to go tomorrow. I don't even want to think of the work I've accumulated over this wasted weekend.
I don't know what in the world is wrong with me. On Saturday morning, i felt a twinge of exhaustion as I did my marketing with HH, but it didn't bother me much and I shrugged it off. But later when I was chanting the sutras in the temple, it came back with a vengence. I felt exhausted. It was as though I couldn't pick myself up and move on with the activities I had to do. It felt like I had just run into a wall headon and was sitting on the floor in an utter daze. I felt riduculously irritated at everyone although they had done zilch to offend me in anyway. I could barely listen to Shi Fu's sermon and I couldn't summon enough concentration to practise my translating skills. I prayed to the Buddha to help me ease my turmoil.
Trudy told me I looked so tired but I just laughed it off and put it down to the extreme lack of sleep. I had to deal with a packed schedule for the whole of the past week and my mind and body were complaining over the lack of rest, but there were so many things to do I couldn't slip out of the momentum of things. Trudy and I discussed about Buddhism as we made our way to the university. Even with the cool wind blowing in my face, i found it hard to even concentrate on where I was placing my feet.
I located HH in the library and pulled out my lecture notes to revise, but my brain felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton wool. I laid my head down to rest and promptly drifted off until one hour before closing time. " Good morning princess!" HH chirped. BUt her remark failed to elicit the usual smile from me. She peered at my form which was sprawled uncermoniously on the table and chided me for not going to bed. How to? I couldn't even restuff my metabolic pathways in my head. They had all disappeared into nothingness even after I had gone through them about 3 times. I gave up, packed up my stuff and dragged myself home. I had a pot luck session to attend.
I made my way home, hauled out my pots and pans and started trying to make shephard's pie. Then I packed everything up and walked to WY's house. We were going to surprise her with a birthday cake cum celebration and I didn't wanna miss it. The spread was sumptuous and as usual, Nic's teriyaki Salmon took centre stage. I hated to spoil the dinner but i was really feeling like crap at night. " Come on," I muttered inwardly. " Spruce up. There's nothing wrong with you." But my quesiness just increased as the evening went on and my friends remarked that I looked awful. Awful?? But I had no symptoms! What on earth was the matter with me? I just couldn't figure. I was immensely touched by my friends' concern. But it seemed rather amusing. I was in a room surround by would be doctors and I couldn't figure what bug I had caught.
I managed to stay for the entire gathering and as usual, I enjoyed myself immensely. But I felt guilty for being such a drip in the party. I put myself to bed early and awoke to the sound of sms messages asking me if I felt better. I felt blessed to have such wonderful and caring buddies. I cleaned my house which was looking more like a pig sty everyday and cooked lunch for HH and myself. She dropped by after Church and we started chatting about our grandparents' and our parents' lives. Queer topic, but it was pretty interesting.
The quesiness returned and I started feeling like crap again in the afternoon so I didn't head for the library with HH. I headed straight to bed after an attempt to do my HMB essay. I'm still trying my best to do the essay now but I can't seem to concentrate. I 'm reminded of the question I got once.. Is it possible to feel ill without any signs of disease. Well, my answer to you is OF COURSE!!!!!
I still can't figure why I feel so crapped up and the tiredness as yet to cease tormenting me. All I can hope is that I'll be up and ready to go tomorrow. I don't even want to think of the work I've accumulated over this wasted weekend.
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