a little Xtra

Petrol stops in a person's life.

Had a chat with the reverend at the temple today. After being absolutely out of practise in translation, I was quite horrified by the material i had to translate for tomolo's session. I got pretty stressed out, trying to derive some meaning of the unfamiliar chinese words which were made up of the old chinese characters.

THe title of the piece was THe petrol stops in a person's life.
Translated directly, it talks about how one can recharge oneself throughout a lifetime in order to reach your goal in life. Good fellowship, guidance, books, education, and the temple and the Buddha are all petrol stations to help replenish our fuel and spur us on our way to our goals.

I was getting more and more panicky by the minute. Unfamiliar words on the paper seemed to taunt me and mock my lack of aptitude in my mother tongue. Apprehension filled my heart.. was i right to continue on the translation team? In my quest to discover and learn about Buddhism, I might end up misleading some of the congregation through my lousy translation.

I sought help from Reverend Miaoyu. At first, she seemed rather disappointed that I had difficulty reading the article and comprehending its deeper implications. After stumbling through and trying my best to understand her explaination, i was on the verge of giving up.

" I have a pretty bad command of Chinese," i told her. " It's more likely that I"ll bungle up the job. I had absolutely no time to practise this sem. "

THe reverend apposed her thumb and her index finger. " THis is the problem," she told me. " You're in a circle of difficulties. YOu say your command of Chinese is not good, you are new to this translating job, you're not well versed in buddhist studies. You need to find a place to break into your circle of difficulties." She tapped the point of apposition and abducted her digits. " If you just give up, the circle will remain unbroken. " She apposed her other fingers with her thumb. " it's just the first of many other difficulties you face. so you need to deal with it."

I told her i was afraid that I would be so terrilbe that i might mislead people in the congregation. " I'm stressed out," i said.

" Why do you volunteer to translate? " Reverend Miaoyu asked me.

" I want to spread the dharma and learn the dharma," i replied, staring miserably at the script in front of me. " But i'm not capable."

" Ping2 Chang2 Xing1, Shi4 dao4>" Reverend Miaoyu said. She wrote the characters in her beautiful writing on my script. " Do not compare yourself to the rest of the team. Competition arises from dischord. Your intentions must be clear. You are doing this because you want to learn, because you want to help. YOu ar enot doing this for fame or favour. There might be people better than you, but so what if there are? You have fufilled your intentions, you have tried your best. If people think you are not good enough, it is their opinion, not yours. Leanring is a process that takes time. You can learn from other people's good points, but don't go and compare your abilities with the rest Keep your intentions clear in your heart and rid yourself of any form of dischord or competitiveness. If it goes badly, tell yourself that you have trie dyour best and seek ways of improvement by asking for criticism from others. If it goes well, don't revel in your pride. Be humble, for there is always room for improvement."

" I guess you get the meaning of the article now," she passed the article to me.

I fingered with the paper, covered with me notes and shook my head.

" Your difficulties are your lack of fuel," she told me patiently. " The advice I am issueing to you is the fuel you need to travel, and your goal is to give yourself a chance and believe in yourself."


I guess that kinda applies with my daily life too.. me, ever the perfectionist who is forever tormented by my competitive streak. The only stresses we face are those we create for ourselves. Cause and condition hodl the answers to this suffering we face. The conditions must be right for a karma to ripen. I have been born into this world with the intellect that has been generated by my karma, and to get good grades I must ensure that teh conditions are ripe by studying hard. But ability has a limit, and I may fall short of my goals. However, my intent should dispell any disappointment I have. If i have really tried my best, there is no reason to grieve. I was kinda stressed out over the exam papers, cause they didn't go very well for me this semester round. Have been losing sleep over that lousy MCQ paper and i keep dredging up numerous mistakes in my SAQs, but hell.. it's over, i've put in every last piece of effort ( i hope ) into this piece of shit.. so that's that. Pass or fail, it's jury of cause and conditions will decide. May the Buddha give me strength to see that and comfort my aching heart and weary mind for He is one of "petrol stations.' of my life.