Tuesday, September 14, 2004
One crazy weekend .
I think my weekends juz get crazier. seriously.
neway, dad came down on friday.. Yay.. stayed for 5 days. he juz left :(. but i was too amused staring at the limo the company sent to pick him and his 2 member crew up to feel sad. i think i juz stood there with this amused look on my face.. well. it is an improvement from him leaving me in tears.. seriously, i used to think i'[d never get used to seeing my loved ones return home.. but i think i finally got used to it. it scares me somewhat.. this lack of emotional dependence. INstead of that pang of desperate sadness that always treatens to engulf me, I felt just a tinge of regret that i didn't spend enuff time with my dad. . but that's it.. i realise i 've been calling home loads less too.. freak me out. It really juz hits you how much you've come to rely on yourself. no more mom and dad there anymore. you're on your own.. you 're an adult. ( without the financial independence tho')
sometimes when i see 2 young kids and their mom and dad while on my jogs, i feel this pang of regret for not savouring my childhood enough. Gone were the days where decisions were just outta your hands.. and mommy could solve all your problems. gone were the days when i could run to my parents and ask them why ppl were the way they were? This thought keeps comeing up. like when my mom asked me for advice on how to deal with some ppl who were giving her trouble.. i suddenly realised that she could no longer play the role of the "all knowing problem solver"
i sometimes feel this "xianness" no other way to describe it.I can't help feeling that there 's somethign missing in my life.. NONO. it's not a bf.. ? it really drives home the Buddha's msg of how we should work on revealing our Buddha nature. Wish I'd more determination to cultivate myself.. then i can free myself of this mundane world.
juz got email from frens back home.. realise how different my life iz here. it's like one 2 diff wavelengths.. even though i tried telling her about life here, i knew she would never get it. no one will understand unless you've gone through it yourself.
weekend? crazy? yeah. Nic gave me a heart attack by calling me and saying.. " Xueling.. I've got bad news .. soh ai.... wait ah.. i've to ... "( and then he ran off to do somethign and left me gripping on to the receiver and my imaginationrunning wild ) DON"T DO THAT TO ME. please! if j9 found me on the floor clutching my chest you know who to go after
neway, one of my palz had a slip up on the ski slop and a fracture of the wrist. Thankfully she is ok now :) yay! the hospital system her eis UNBELIEVABLY slow.. geez. crawl manz crawl.. seriously, friday nights are AWFUL. so slow!!!! the doc looked like he wanted to fall asleep standing up.
had ICM today. interview with a caregiver.. i was almost in tears.. she was so resilient!!!! omg.. it really drove home the marraige vow msg.. " in sickness and in health.. till death do uz part." i think if i were in her position.. i would have broken down mentally and phsyically.
I think my weekends juz get crazier. seriously.
neway, dad came down on friday.. Yay.. stayed for 5 days. he juz left :(. but i was too amused staring at the limo the company sent to pick him and his 2 member crew up to feel sad. i think i juz stood there with this amused look on my face.. well. it is an improvement from him leaving me in tears.. seriously, i used to think i'[d never get used to seeing my loved ones return home.. but i think i finally got used to it. it scares me somewhat.. this lack of emotional dependence. INstead of that pang of desperate sadness that always treatens to engulf me, I felt just a tinge of regret that i didn't spend enuff time with my dad. . but that's it.. i realise i 've been calling home loads less too.. freak me out. It really juz hits you how much you've come to rely on yourself. no more mom and dad there anymore. you're on your own.. you 're an adult. ( without the financial independence tho')
sometimes when i see 2 young kids and their mom and dad while on my jogs, i feel this pang of regret for not savouring my childhood enough. Gone were the days where decisions were just outta your hands.. and mommy could solve all your problems. gone were the days when i could run to my parents and ask them why ppl were the way they were? This thought keeps comeing up. like when my mom asked me for advice on how to deal with some ppl who were giving her trouble.. i suddenly realised that she could no longer play the role of the "all knowing problem solver"
i sometimes feel this "xianness" no other way to describe it.I can't help feeling that there 's somethign missing in my life.. NONO. it's not a bf.. ? it really drives home the Buddha's msg of how we should work on revealing our Buddha nature. Wish I'd more determination to cultivate myself.. then i can free myself of this mundane world.
juz got email from frens back home.. realise how different my life iz here. it's like one 2 diff wavelengths.. even though i tried telling her about life here, i knew she would never get it. no one will understand unless you've gone through it yourself.
weekend? crazy? yeah. Nic gave me a heart attack by calling me and saying.. " Xueling.. I've got bad news .. soh ai.... wait ah.. i've to ... "( and then he ran off to do somethign and left me gripping on to the receiver and my imaginationrunning wild ) DON"T DO THAT TO ME. please! if j9 found me on the floor clutching my chest you know who to go after
neway, one of my palz had a slip up on the ski slop and a fracture of the wrist. Thankfully she is ok now :) yay! the hospital system her eis UNBELIEVABLY slow.. geez. crawl manz crawl.. seriously, friday nights are AWFUL. so slow!!!! the doc looked like he wanted to fall asleep standing up.
had ICM today. interview with a caregiver.. i was almost in tears.. she was so resilient!!!! omg.. it really drove home the marraige vow msg.. " in sickness and in health.. till death do uz part." i think if i were in her position.. i would have broken down mentally and phsyically.
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