Tuesday, December 28, 2004
My smart smart sister managed to get the comments fxn working proper. thanks gal. i'm such an idiot in html.. hai.
And then all went silent.
I recall I wrote an entry for the end of 2003. And in it, I lamented over the dready year it had been and wished that 2004 would go better. So here I close yet another chapter of my life with an entry bidding 2004 goodbye.
We're never really adults yet, tho' we are in terms of numbers
I've reached 20. The numbers have changed. I'm supposed to have emerged from the cacoon as a butterfly, breaking free from my prison as a changed creature. How come I still feel as though i've never quite left that protective covering?
I"ve told lz more than once that I'm still a child in so many ways. Whenever I talk to my friends, esp. my close ones, I'm startled at how much more they are ahead of me in their ways of thinking, in their actions and in their decisions. Perhaps I was lucky to be shielded from that responsibilities when I was growing up, but now i see that my parent's protection has turned into a handicap for me. I've had to do a lot of catching up in the past 2 years. I' doubt I'll ever be able to catch up tho'.
Of the people around me
The dynamics of relationships are ever changing. You find some people, you lose some. I've long been aware that i'll be losing some people along my journey. Some have stayed behind, Thank goodness :P. But i've lost so many. Mebbe's it' s my fault, my sheer laziness to keep the connection. Mebbe it's just teh time factor.. Or mebbe it's because we live into 2 different worlds now and i can only pop into yours for transient periods of time. I dun know. But I think even if i didn't leave Singapore, it may still have being like this. At least I can still meet up and talk with you all , that's smth i'm still grateful for.
And to those I've found this year.. Thank you for joining me on the ride. :) I'm looknig forward to the journey ahead.
matters of the heart.
I'm still single. but this time I say it proudly and without regret. I've gone through the full cycle of yearning, of lamenting , of being dejected and finally of satisfaction. I can't say Idon't wanna be in a relationship. It would be nice to have someone to share your life with. But for the moment, I've juz way too much for me to miss the absence of a partner.So guys, don't say i'm cynical or bitter.. LOL. i'm sane alright.
My heart may have room for that special someone somewhere out there, but it's already filled with love for my family, frens and the Dharma...
So to those who are still with me in the club :) enjoy yourself! It's a priviledge being free! There's no point lamenting till the point of depression. But a gentle reminder to those who lost something along the way ... dont' give up. Love certainly is more than juz neurotransmitters :P amd tho' it may be destructive at times .. ( i quote from the mirror has two faces) .. " while it lasts, it feels great!"
matters of belief
This year has been a year of being lost and being found again. Silly excuses have caused me to stray off the path of cultivation earlier in the year. That's because I failed to see that feeding my brain didn't necessarily mean feeding my spiritual needs. And that led to this empty feeling that nothing could resolve. Thank goodness good conditions gave me the chance to find my way back again to Buddha's blessed teachings. Thank goodness SQ, Aimin didn't give up on me. Thank goodness Miao Yu Fa Shi was there. In a short time, I rediscovered how much the Dharma could help me with my personal struggles adn with my lack of understanding of this world, and the reason behind our sufferings. I've found the path again !
me , myself and I
i'm probably still as bad tempered, type A as ever. Perhaps even more :P oh well. still trying to curb it. Sorry to put everyone through this.. NEW year Resolution (note) : Will try to curb temperamental behaviour. Wack me if i don't.
Still as dirty minded as ever ( don't intend to change that) I think i've laid latent long enough ( can imagine lz's look of disgust)
Still as chatterbox and loudmouth as ever
Perhaps not as tomboyish as before ( thanks to lz, aiai and char :P , my image consultants ) .. Quote from mew: "your dressing juz gets skimpier everytime i see you." Well, still fully clothed :) haven't summoned up the courage to don that itsy bitsy polka dotted bikini yet . perhaps if i'm thinner.. hmm.
Still looks like the likness of Free Willy.. and the kilos are counting...
Still as vertically challenged as ever. guess it's advantageous because I 've more choice.. ( Don't even think about suaning me about that one! grrrrr...)
Still as insecure as ever. My poor mom gets the brunt of my numerous complaints. haha.. oh well. blame it on my karma then. :)
on the world
i've no idea why George Bush is still Pressi of U.S. I"ve no idea WTF the Americans are still doing in Iraq. I wished in 2003 for a better year this year, but it didn't materialised. Even as the gang and I sat down for our potluck in my house yesterday, some where in the next peninsula, there were people lying dead, victims of the devastating tsunami that swept through so many countries. Why? I ask? Why is life so cruel? like the ST said, we focus our resources so much on preventing terrorism, we failed to implement measures to cope with natural disasters which could destroy on a much greater scale. The US sent so many soldiers to Iraq to wage war on a country which alledgely had "weapons of mass destruction" ( which still haven't materialised) .. will they send as many to aid the humanitarian catestrophe that has struck Asia? We have become so obsessed with terrorism, we fail to realise the cry for help any where else.
goodbye 2004. It's time for the New year to begin.
And then all went silent.
I recall I wrote an entry for the end of 2003. And in it, I lamented over the dready year it had been and wished that 2004 would go better. So here I close yet another chapter of my life with an entry bidding 2004 goodbye.
We're never really adults yet, tho' we are in terms of numbers
I've reached 20. The numbers have changed. I'm supposed to have emerged from the cacoon as a butterfly, breaking free from my prison as a changed creature. How come I still feel as though i've never quite left that protective covering?
I"ve told lz more than once that I'm still a child in so many ways. Whenever I talk to my friends, esp. my close ones, I'm startled at how much more they are ahead of me in their ways of thinking, in their actions and in their decisions. Perhaps I was lucky to be shielded from that responsibilities when I was growing up, but now i see that my parent's protection has turned into a handicap for me. I've had to do a lot of catching up in the past 2 years. I' doubt I'll ever be able to catch up tho'.
Of the people around me
The dynamics of relationships are ever changing. You find some people, you lose some. I've long been aware that i'll be losing some people along my journey. Some have stayed behind, Thank goodness :P. But i've lost so many. Mebbe's it' s my fault, my sheer laziness to keep the connection. Mebbe it's just teh time factor.. Or mebbe it's because we live into 2 different worlds now and i can only pop into yours for transient periods of time. I dun know. But I think even if i didn't leave Singapore, it may still have being like this. At least I can still meet up and talk with you all , that's smth i'm still grateful for.
And to those I've found this year.. Thank you for joining me on the ride. :) I'm looknig forward to the journey ahead.
matters of the heart.
I'm still single. but this time I say it proudly and without regret. I've gone through the full cycle of yearning, of lamenting , of being dejected and finally of satisfaction. I can't say Idon't wanna be in a relationship. It would be nice to have someone to share your life with. But for the moment, I've juz way too much for me to miss the absence of a partner.So guys, don't say i'm cynical or bitter.. LOL. i'm sane alright.
My heart may have room for that special someone somewhere out there, but it's already filled with love for my family, frens and the Dharma...
So to those who are still with me in the club :) enjoy yourself! It's a priviledge being free! There's no point lamenting till the point of depression. But a gentle reminder to those who lost something along the way ... dont' give up. Love certainly is more than juz neurotransmitters :P amd tho' it may be destructive at times .. ( i quote from the mirror has two faces) .. " while it lasts, it feels great!"
matters of belief
This year has been a year of being lost and being found again. Silly excuses have caused me to stray off the path of cultivation earlier in the year. That's because I failed to see that feeding my brain didn't necessarily mean feeding my spiritual needs. And that led to this empty feeling that nothing could resolve. Thank goodness good conditions gave me the chance to find my way back again to Buddha's blessed teachings. Thank goodness SQ, Aimin didn't give up on me. Thank goodness Miao Yu Fa Shi was there. In a short time, I rediscovered how much the Dharma could help me with my personal struggles adn with my lack of understanding of this world, and the reason behind our sufferings. I've found the path again !
me , myself and I
i'm probably still as bad tempered, type A as ever. Perhaps even more :P oh well. still trying to curb it. Sorry to put everyone through this.. NEW year Resolution (note) : Will try to curb temperamental behaviour. Wack me if i don't.
Still as dirty minded as ever ( don't intend to change that) I think i've laid latent long enough ( can imagine lz's look of disgust)
Still as chatterbox and loudmouth as ever
Perhaps not as tomboyish as before ( thanks to lz, aiai and char :P , my image consultants ) .. Quote from mew: "your dressing juz gets skimpier everytime i see you." Well, still fully clothed :) haven't summoned up the courage to don that itsy bitsy polka dotted bikini yet . perhaps if i'm thinner.. hmm.
Still looks like the likness of Free Willy.. and the kilos are counting...
Still as vertically challenged as ever. guess it's advantageous because I 've more choice.. ( Don't even think about suaning me about that one! grrrrr...)
Still as insecure as ever. My poor mom gets the brunt of my numerous complaints. haha.. oh well. blame it on my karma then. :)
on the world
i've no idea why George Bush is still Pressi of U.S. I"ve no idea WTF the Americans are still doing in Iraq. I wished in 2003 for a better year this year, but it didn't materialised. Even as the gang and I sat down for our potluck in my house yesterday, some where in the next peninsula, there were people lying dead, victims of the devastating tsunami that swept through so many countries. Why? I ask? Why is life so cruel? like the ST said, we focus our resources so much on preventing terrorism, we failed to implement measures to cope with natural disasters which could destroy on a much greater scale. The US sent so many soldiers to Iraq to wage war on a country which alledgely had "weapons of mass destruction" ( which still haven't materialised) .. will they send as many to aid the humanitarian catestrophe that has struck Asia? We have become so obsessed with terrorism, we fail to realise the cry for help any where else.
goodbye 2004. It's time for the New year to begin.
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