a little Xtra

Last week here in Singapore. Sigh. I'm always reluctant to leave the place that I reside in. I think it's a feeling that we all share. When you've been in Melb/ SPore for some time, you juz don't feel like moving your ass. Seriously. You'd think i'll be used to this constant shifting of scenery, but truth be told -- it's still as disorienting to both my mind and heart as it was 2 years ago.

When this holiday started off, it looked set to be a boring, useless vac. I coudln't find a job,and I didn't take up salsa/hiphop. When my siblings went back to school, and my frens returned to their hectic uni lives, I found myself casting around for things to do. I was literally bored out of my mind and started getting real peeved with myself for being such a useless bum. Needless to say, my stupid irritabiliy rubbed off on the ppl most dear to me. I told myself, ok , since you can't find a job, stop acting like a bitch and make your self useful. And just as Buddha had taught, the conditions change so rapidly the moment I told myslef to sit up and stop whining. The Devas must have guided me to find good fellowship ( Literally heh) :) . After speaking to J, WJ and HX from Buddhist Fellowship, I was utterly moved by their selflessness to volunteer wat little free time they had to reach out and help other sentient beings. J went to a remote village in Thailand to teach. HX badly wanted to volunteer for the firefly missino to the Tsunami strucky areas but the SAF wouldn't let him go. WJ was another enthusiastic volunteer who spent his holidays helping out at Ren ci Hosp or volunteering at other associations. He told me," Before I converted to Buddhism, I was damn selfish, damn dao. Didn't give a shit about others. It (Buddhism) really changes you.. it does. "
So this words spurred me on to find volunteer work. I searched online, emailed ppl but unfornately, I coudln't find a suitable job because they demanded long periods of commitment, which I presently coudlnt' fufill. And then change came aknocking again. HH called me and I found that both my wishes had been fufilled. I landed a job with a bra company ( hehe) and a volunteer job with Yong En care center.

That was a month ago. Last weekend, I bade farewell to all my new friends I made in this short month. Never before have I felt so reluctant to leave. 3 days, 3 seperations -- from my colleagues, my fellow volunteers at Yong En and my Buddhist Fellowship members.


Of big fish and Small fries

Well, the big big boss from HK came to visit our office so everyone was pretty edgey. It was a pretty busy and stressful last day for me. I kena scolded by a manager! Jac left a memo for me to type and instructions to give it out to 2 managers. I followed her instructions but there was a discrepancy on the memo and the accounts manager started lecturing me about the mistake. He ticked me off for about almost everything I did -- giving him a copy of the memo and giving his secretary a copy too ( she told me give him one direct, I got confused, because it was against my instructions) , cluttering up his desk, not knowing the signing procedure. He delivered all this in a condescending manner, sneering at me contemptously all the time. I replied in a voice trembling with barely contained exasperation :" Sir, I'm just a temp and i"m leaving today. The look of shock on his face was indeed priceless. One up for XtraLarge. " You're leaving today???" he sputtered. The accountant next to him smothered a smile.

yez sir, i was leaving that day. And btw, didn't you know that secretaries were just messengers? The insurance policy arrangements were totally out of my reach and you could have been more patient in guiding me through the process since I was new. You havent' dealt with me before. I 'd understand if I made a mistake after you had briefed me the first time. You weren't exactly yelling, but you weren't that polite either. I don't think any one , no matter how junior, deserves to be addressed in such a manner.

That manager apparently had quite a bad reputation with the staff. He loved scolding ppl, especially ppl not under his charge. I voiced my grieviences with my new colleague. She wasn't too happy herself at being scolded by the director that morning. THe director had given her a set of instructions the night b4, and she had followed them. The next morning, she was scolded because the director had changed the instructions but not informed her. We trudged miserably with the cakes to the conference room to set up for the meeting with MR BIG BOSS from HK. I think she deserved more sympaty than me. I suppose it's excusable to yell at me, coz i'm the most junior, but getting yelled at when you're a mother iz pretty mortifying. Esp since it was only her 3rd day at work. It was really the day everythign taht could go wrong went wrong. We small fries were kept scuttling around. Trying to keep afoot of everything and trying to stay out of the big bosses' wrath.

I realise that the higher up you move in rank, the more out touch with reality you become. Bosses expect the impossible to be done at teh snap of a finger. They become demanding ppl who think they rule the earth. We make them the top grade coffee ( yet never down the ones you painstakingly make) , we help settle their bills( personal ones too, goodness), we give in to their demands ( cost in efficient or not).. but nothing seems to satisfy. THey change appts at whim and fancy, leavin gyou to deal with many many irrate pple whom you cancelled bookings with. It's tough being the small fry.

I suppose big fish were small fries once too. And they're bossy and demanding coz that's wat makes them the big fish. A company needs that driving force of a demandnig big fish to keep them chuggin forward towards excellence.

This stint of work was a good experience . I helped me learn to swallow my pride, take orders, pay rapt attentions to details i would dearly love to overlook, take steps to make new frens ina short period of time. There were times I wanted to yell and fume at ppl who decided that the smallest fry in the company could be bullied into taking up menial, senseless little tasks they could do themselves. But i took their demands with a pinch of salt and just coped as best as I could, accepting the endless pile of tasks with a smile and the assurance i'll get it done asap. By the end of my stint, i found myslef striking up friendly conversations with the very ppl i loathed at the start of my employment. it's a reminder to me to be patient and not let first impressions get in the way of opportunities. Strangely, the BFellowship touched on that subject on Sunday - - Buddhism and human relationships. The topic steered to workplace politics and I found that my experience helped me relate to the topic much better.

I'm gonna miss everyone at the workplace. yeah, even that manager who later tried to strike up a guilt-driven conversation with me in the lift. Esp my supervisor Jac and SH who helped me and showed me the ropes. Jac was probably everyon'es dream boss. She looked out for me, treated me 2 lunch sometimes, brought me out for lunch with our colleagues when we drove out. She was patient, friendly and a great person to chat to. Upon hearing my run in with Mr manager, she wanted to go have it out with him. Fortunatley, the arrival of the Big Boss kept her too busy to persue the matter. She gave me a bra set before I left. ;)

other advantages of working with the largest lingerie firm in singapore : I'm now an expert in the bra ranges. And i'm crazed for lingerie.
NOw when i walk pass dept stores and thier bra section, i feel a sense of pride that i was part and parcel of the planning and setting up of the sales. I had a good time there. :)

The love and compassion of ppl

After tutoring sec 3 and racking my brains for long forgotten math formulas and chem theories, i bade May and jocelyn farewell. May was one amazing lady. She dedicated her life to helping ppl. Her love and her determinatino to make a difference really moved me. It was an honour getting to know her and workign with her. Tutoring kids was challenging. I tried my hand at both primary school n sec school level. But i'm glad i got the chance to help. It was an eye opener for me coz i grew up always surrounded by kids who were of high calibre. It was pleasing to see the determination some of these kids exuded. Well - as for those who monkeyed around and threw paper planes in my class, let's just say i'm not as mild and demunitive as i look. Chilli padis are small but they do pack a punch.

Here's a story ( cracks fingers.. hey lemme try my skill as a story teller ok? )

My last session with them saw WM talking about Karma. He told of a story I found quite uplifting but made a lot of sense.

A wealthy old man was about to pass away after a bout of illness. After musing on his death bed, he realised how scared he was of the loneliness that came with dying. So he called his 4 wives to his death bed.

Turning to his youngest and most doted on wife, he asked" My dear wife, so sweet, young and fair. Will you accompany me to my grave when death comes knocking on my door?"

The beauty averted her eyes from the old man's wrinkled face and replied. " My lord, you ask to much of me.I can't follow you to your grave. But because I love you, I will stay by your side till the very instant your last breath lives your body."

The old man felt an ache in his heart for these weren't the words he wanted to hear from his most cherished wife.

Turning to his 3rd wife, he asked again." My dear wife, who cares for me so well. Will you accompany me to my grave when death comes knocking on my door?"

The good lady bowed her head and said. " My lord. You ask too much of me. I don't wish to die so young. But because I love you, I will accompany your dead body to the gates of your estate and bid you farewell."

THe old man sighed, for this was still not the answer his heart seeked for. He turned to his 2nd wife and asked,"My dear lady, so devoted and kind. Will you accompany me to my grave when death comes knocking on my door?"

The 2nd wife patted his hands. " My lord, you ask too much of me. I still have a few good years left to live. I don't wish to depart yet. But because I love you, I will accompany the hearse to your grave and return each year to bring fresh flowers in memory of you."

The old man was glad to hear her kind words but his heart ached for the answer he wanted to hear.

Finally he turned to his eldest wife, a wrinkled and bent old lady whoes face was once as lovely as the flowers that blossomed in Spring time.

" My life long companion, playmate and mother to my children.Will you accompany me to my grave when death claims me as its own?"

Without hesitation, the old lady took his trembling hand in hers and replied. " Yes, my lord. I will go with you to your grave and accompany you in your next life and the ones after."

so wat's the moral of the story you might ask?

Treat your first wife the best.

?

Serious! Treat your first wife with care!

The 4th wife stands for our beauty and youth. Qualities we are attached to the most. But they are also the first to leave us.
The 3rd wife stands for fame and fortune. They may accompany us to the grave, but after some time, they will leave us too.
The 2nd wife is our frens and our families. They cherish us and will remember us from time to come, but they will be left behind in this life.
THe 1st wife is our karma. It is the least attended to in your lifetime but it will follow you to your grave and in lifetimes to come.

So yeah..pay attention to your first wife.

i never had a better vac back in singaopre. To all the new friends I made in so short a time : farewell and all the best! Thanks for being part of my life this past month!


Before I met the Lord Buddha and learnt His ways,
I was selfish and sad.
I only wanted things for myself.
Now I see that there are others I can channel this enery to.
There are others I can pray for and send hope to.
No longer am i sad that I cannot find love for myself
For the love of the Devas , Buddha's and Boddhisattvas has found its way into my heart.
And my love for all sentient beings as been awaken.
Thank you lord Buddha
For showing me the path.
The path of loving kindness and compassion.
The path to happiness.