Thursday, April 14, 2005
Maybe I’m cynical, pessimistic, bitter.. whatever. I dun wanna go thru all the reasons or the memories.. they’re too painful, too skin crawlingly embarrassing to dredge up. But when I look back, I have to shake my head and attempt a sigh and a laugh at those times. I was so silly then. Some lessons strike you hard and fast … and you learn from them. Too bad I didn’t heed the warning so many times b4.
It’s such a delicate balance. It’s like A chess game. You play it with all you’ve got, there ain’t a time limit, but every move you make it’s timed. Concoct assumptions, and make your decisions.. sacrifice your pieces.. sacrifice bits of yourself.. make yourself vulnerable.. fortify yourself. Make your move. Take a risk.
Lose the game.
I’ always seem to lose too many pieces, to make the wrong strategies. I can’t read my opponent. Inexperience? Maybe. But we all have to start somewhere. I wanna slam down the clock and walk off. I should have done so many times before.. but I chose to play the game to the end. I chose to sit and watch the devastation creep across the board … Checkmate. Game over.
Another challenger throws down the gauntlet.. Why, oh why do I pick it up?!
SEriously, even if you win, the pieces will be rearranged, back to the squares.. back to the beginning.
The utter chaos of the previous games still haunt me. I lift up the Pawns and hesitantly push it forward. I am aware of cheering from ppl around me.. I understand their support.. I wanna thank them for their encouragemnt..but i feel the confusion eating me inside out. they 'll never realise that the internal pressure is suffocating enough. I'm drowning.. i'm drowning inside out. .. THey don't feel my reluctance and apprehension at moving the next pawn.
The move is countered. I don’t wanna play anymore.. I just wanna leave. Why did I even sit down in the first place. Because I was asked to? How silly. Because I can’t resist the temptation of a challenge??
The honour.. the prestige.. the gnawing feeling of guilt that you should have tried something..
“ Your move, XL”
I can’t see ahead, I dunno where this game is going.. There’s not much time anyway,.. see the clocks? They say it doesn’t matter, but if its doesn’t’ why do they time the games anyway?
I just wanna go back to the times where I didn’t know how to play…life was so much easier then.
Knowledge is empowerment.. but it’s danger. I wanna go back to the age of innocence.
I can’t see the final piece.. mebbe I never will.. mebbe I shouldn’t even try.
It’s such a delicate balance. It’s like A chess game. You play it with all you’ve got, there ain’t a time limit, but every move you make it’s timed. Concoct assumptions, and make your decisions.. sacrifice your pieces.. sacrifice bits of yourself.. make yourself vulnerable.. fortify yourself. Make your move. Take a risk.
Lose the game.
I’ always seem to lose too many pieces, to make the wrong strategies. I can’t read my opponent. Inexperience? Maybe. But we all have to start somewhere. I wanna slam down the clock and walk off. I should have done so many times before.. but I chose to play the game to the end. I chose to sit and watch the devastation creep across the board … Checkmate. Game over.
Another challenger throws down the gauntlet.. Why, oh why do I pick it up?!
SEriously, even if you win, the pieces will be rearranged, back to the squares.. back to the beginning.
The utter chaos of the previous games still haunt me. I lift up the Pawns and hesitantly push it forward. I am aware of cheering from ppl around me.. I understand their support.. I wanna thank them for their encouragemnt..but i feel the confusion eating me inside out. they 'll never realise that the internal pressure is suffocating enough. I'm drowning.. i'm drowning inside out. .. THey don't feel my reluctance and apprehension at moving the next pawn.
The move is countered. I don’t wanna play anymore.. I just wanna leave. Why did I even sit down in the first place. Because I was asked to? How silly. Because I can’t resist the temptation of a challenge??
The honour.. the prestige.. the gnawing feeling of guilt that you should have tried something..
“ Your move, XL”
I can’t see ahead, I dunno where this game is going.. There’s not much time anyway,.. see the clocks? They say it doesn’t matter, but if its doesn’t’ why do they time the games anyway?
I just wanna go back to the times where I didn’t know how to play…life was so much easier then.
Knowledge is empowerment.. but it’s danger. I wanna go back to the age of innocence.
I can’t see the final piece.. mebbe I never will.. mebbe I shouldn’t even try.
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