Sunday, July 10, 2005
What do you look for in a life partner.
Just attended Buddhist Fellowship youth session. We were priviledged to have Dr Ang Beng Choo to speak to us on looking for a life partner.
One of her memorable quotes :
" Children in the back seat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause children."
What not to look for in a partner.
CAWS ( haha.. H, i can remember... passed your test lah!)
C- Capabilities ( you are not parading your spouses' capabilities in public, these should be an added bonus, not something you go around looking for when you look for a partner)
A- Appearances ( well... )
W- Wealth
S - STatus
What to look for in a partner
PROF
P- personality. THe person should have a good EQ. Observe how they behave around other people or when they drive ( whoopz.. i think i just failed the latter). Even if the person is nice to you ( and nasty to others and you oh so fail to realise that), just remember, that he can't keep up that charade forever.
R- Religion. Dr Ang pointed out that after marriage, the cracks will start to show. For the whole of Sunday, you'll be at your respective religious venues, surrounded by couples or singles of the same religious views. It is gonna be a glaring point in your marriage if you both have strong personalities and strong religious views. These will be apparent when kids come into the picture. Who's religion should they follow then?
O - occupation .. this shoudl be a respectable occupation. meaning no drug dealing, no prostitution blah blah blah
Family values - your spouses upbringing and family values will deeply influence his or her values.Values that will be brought into a marriage.
Be as natural as you can in front of your partner. Because after marriage, all your traits good and bad will start to show. Remember that marriage is not a solution to your problems, but will bring more problems. Love doesn't conquer all. If you're not compatible, or if you can't stand a certain trait of another person ( no matter how minor).. say no. Don't waste your time or the other person's time.
Trust the person.. Develope good communication.
Walk the middle path when looking for a partner. - don't rush it. but don't wait too long either. There may be many fish in the ocean, but the bait will soon get stale if you leave it for too long
Remember the 3Cs of Buddhism :
1)Cause ( Karma) which sets up your conditions
2) Conditions / choices
3) Consequences - the fruit of your choices
Buddha said that man is the master of his own destiny. Though we will be presented with certain conditions, ultimately, how we deal with the conditions and gain the consequences is up to us. Likewise for choosing a partner. The choice is really yours. THere is no such thing as fate or leaving it to god. And make sure you spend your time and energy on a person who feels the same way towards you. No point exhausting your effort over someone who tells you that you cannot make it.
NOte that Dr Ang advises that you use these guidelines to your own descretion haha...
I found most of them pretty insightful and useful, even tho' most of it was aimed mostly at ppl who were planning to get married in the near future. Funny that this topic should come up today tho'.
And yez.. i joined the BUddhist choir!!! So happy! we're having a performance in sept!
Just attended Buddhist Fellowship youth session. We were priviledged to have Dr Ang Beng Choo to speak to us on looking for a life partner.
One of her memorable quotes :
" Children in the back seat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause children."
What not to look for in a partner.
CAWS ( haha.. H, i can remember... passed your test lah!)
C- Capabilities ( you are not parading your spouses' capabilities in public, these should be an added bonus, not something you go around looking for when you look for a partner)
A- Appearances ( well... )
W- Wealth
S - STatus
What to look for in a partner
PROF
P- personality. THe person should have a good EQ. Observe how they behave around other people or when they drive ( whoopz.. i think i just failed the latter). Even if the person is nice to you ( and nasty to others and you oh so fail to realise that), just remember, that he can't keep up that charade forever.
R- Religion. Dr Ang pointed out that after marriage, the cracks will start to show. For the whole of Sunday, you'll be at your respective religious venues, surrounded by couples or singles of the same religious views. It is gonna be a glaring point in your marriage if you both have strong personalities and strong religious views. These will be apparent when kids come into the picture. Who's religion should they follow then?
O - occupation .. this shoudl be a respectable occupation. meaning no drug dealing, no prostitution blah blah blah
Family values - your spouses upbringing and family values will deeply influence his or her values.Values that will be brought into a marriage.
Be as natural as you can in front of your partner. Because after marriage, all your traits good and bad will start to show. Remember that marriage is not a solution to your problems, but will bring more problems. Love doesn't conquer all. If you're not compatible, or if you can't stand a certain trait of another person ( no matter how minor).. say no. Don't waste your time or the other person's time.
Trust the person.. Develope good communication.
Walk the middle path when looking for a partner. - don't rush it. but don't wait too long either. There may be many fish in the ocean, but the bait will soon get stale if you leave it for too long
Remember the 3Cs of Buddhism :
1)Cause ( Karma) which sets up your conditions
2) Conditions / choices
3) Consequences - the fruit of your choices
Buddha said that man is the master of his own destiny. Though we will be presented with certain conditions, ultimately, how we deal with the conditions and gain the consequences is up to us. Likewise for choosing a partner. The choice is really yours. THere is no such thing as fate or leaving it to god. And make sure you spend your time and energy on a person who feels the same way towards you. No point exhausting your effort over someone who tells you that you cannot make it.
NOte that Dr Ang advises that you use these guidelines to your own descretion haha...
I found most of them pretty insightful and useful, even tho' most of it was aimed mostly at ppl who were planning to get married in the near future. Funny that this topic should come up today tho'.
And yez.. i joined the BUddhist choir!!! So happy! we're having a performance in sept!
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