Sunday, September 04, 2005
Would you rather get chased by someone you don't like, or rather not get chased at all?
Tzuie asked me this question last night. hmm. tough one to ask a girl, but i'll give it a go. i think the fairer sex is the one that usually has to face this question simply coz that's the way things are.
Let's examine the first option.
Being chased by someone who falls in your " cannot make it" category. Not to say that these guys are downright hopeless. They make good friends, but your heart tells you that as a bf, it's an abosolute No-NO. But try as you might to explain this fact to the poor guy, ( diagrams and illustrations, ignoring phone calls and smses and all), he juz doesn't get it.
One might say, you should feel flattered. At least you're wanted, and even if this may not be prince charming of your dreams, chances are that you would get chased by Mr right in the future. Well, yez and no. I suppose i would feel initially flattered, but than, if it was my guy friend who was chasing me, i think the feeling of freaking out will immediately overwrite any teensy bit of female ego( if there's such a thing, heh) . At that point of time, all you want to do iz just shake this guy off. Both for your own good and for his. But if he insist on hanging on to your leg like a barnecle on a sperm whale, the feeling can be so suffocating that you juz wanna run screaming to the nearest temple/ nunnery and beg them to shave your head and take you in.
But even that isn't enough to stop some of the really determine dudes. They'll fill up your inbox with emails, your handphone with smses, your drawer with an incessent stream of letters, your life with a persistent dinner invites. I get a mixture of irritation and sadness everytime i look at those. You feel regret coz you know the guy is wasting his time and you feel exasperated because there 's no way you can get out of this without breaking someone's heart. Although we may have no special feelings for them, we feel strangely reluctant to toss those things away without a 2nd thought because you know how much effort and hope had been placed in those little items.
Although it may seem like a good deal to get free dinners and movies, i feel that if you really have nothing in it for this poor soul, it's rather unethical to keep on going for date after date. but then agian, one could say, if anything makes him happy, and you don't lose out... why not?
So we rack our brains for nice ways to brush them off without having to
1) admit that we know that they're after us, coz no one is admitting anything anyway
2) try to brush them off w/o seeming like an utter bitch
It ain't an easy task. BUt here's the usual tactics.
Step one : keep saying that you're busy, waaay too busy. eg. you've got lunch with girlfriends, you've to wash the toilet, you've to walk your pet goldfish.
Most guys will get the hint after a numerous " i'm too busy" lines.
but if they don;t... some of us move to the next tactic
2) my parents would rather i concentrate on my homework. ( which is actually true, or if you're guilt stricken, you can try mock flunking a few tests so your parents will actually spell it out for you)
or you can try.
2) gushing about some dreamboat in your faculty. and somethign about how your heart melts everytime you see him.
Still doesn't work?
try the next ( this one was tried by someone, and apparently it works like a charm)
stage 3 : get your guy friend to call him up and tell him to stay away from you.
HOpefully it won't get to stage 3. coz besides breaking his heart, you're doing it in the worst way possible.
Well, screw it, if only you could look at him and say.. " yeah, i appreciate the fact that you're being awfully nice to me, and i'm honoured to be the object of your affections, but we just won't work out k?"
HOwever, that would involve direct confrontation. And I admit, i dont' have the guts to do that, neither do most of the gals, unless of course, you're super duper desperate. Either way, the friendship will be shot to hell for a period of time.
So if you ask me that question if I"m being accousted by someone I don't having feelings for, I'll tell you, I'd rather not be chased.
But when we're sitting on the shelve and stoning into the distance, it's a different story altogether. Especially when you get a full view of those happy couples who contemptously plop themselves in front of you in the LT or the tram and proceed with extreme cases of PDA ( public display of affection), the loneliness that hits you just makes you want to look skywards and scream Where the hell is Mr right?
I quote my fren,
" the first is sadistic.. but agreeing to teh 2nd option would be plain lying"
I got a mixture of answers from the others... i don't think anyone's one is wrong or right.
For me?
I think at different points of time, i'll probably think differently. like i've explained above.
But anyway, doesn't matter. Don't have to ponder on the problem anymore, thanks to the person who posed the question to me in the first place. :)
Tzuie asked me this question last night. hmm. tough one to ask a girl, but i'll give it a go. i think the fairer sex is the one that usually has to face this question simply coz that's the way things are.
Let's examine the first option.
Being chased by someone who falls in your " cannot make it" category. Not to say that these guys are downright hopeless. They make good friends, but your heart tells you that as a bf, it's an abosolute No-NO. But try as you might to explain this fact to the poor guy, ( diagrams and illustrations, ignoring phone calls and smses and all), he juz doesn't get it.
One might say, you should feel flattered. At least you're wanted, and even if this may not be prince charming of your dreams, chances are that you would get chased by Mr right in the future. Well, yez and no. I suppose i would feel initially flattered, but than, if it was my guy friend who was chasing me, i think the feeling of freaking out will immediately overwrite any teensy bit of female ego( if there's such a thing, heh) . At that point of time, all you want to do iz just shake this guy off. Both for your own good and for his. But if he insist on hanging on to your leg like a barnecle on a sperm whale, the feeling can be so suffocating that you juz wanna run screaming to the nearest temple/ nunnery and beg them to shave your head and take you in.
But even that isn't enough to stop some of the really determine dudes. They'll fill up your inbox with emails, your handphone with smses, your drawer with an incessent stream of letters, your life with a persistent dinner invites. I get a mixture of irritation and sadness everytime i look at those. You feel regret coz you know the guy is wasting his time and you feel exasperated because there 's no way you can get out of this without breaking someone's heart. Although we may have no special feelings for them, we feel strangely reluctant to toss those things away without a 2nd thought because you know how much effort and hope had been placed in those little items.
Although it may seem like a good deal to get free dinners and movies, i feel that if you really have nothing in it for this poor soul, it's rather unethical to keep on going for date after date. but then agian, one could say, if anything makes him happy, and you don't lose out... why not?
So we rack our brains for nice ways to brush them off without having to
1) admit that we know that they're after us, coz no one is admitting anything anyway
2) try to brush them off w/o seeming like an utter bitch
It ain't an easy task. BUt here's the usual tactics.
Step one : keep saying that you're busy, waaay too busy. eg. you've got lunch with girlfriends, you've to wash the toilet, you've to walk your pet goldfish.
Most guys will get the hint after a numerous " i'm too busy" lines.
but if they don;t... some of us move to the next tactic
2) my parents would rather i concentrate on my homework. ( which is actually true, or if you're guilt stricken, you can try mock flunking a few tests so your parents will actually spell it out for you)
or you can try.
2) gushing about some dreamboat in your faculty. and somethign about how your heart melts everytime you see him.
Still doesn't work?
try the next ( this one was tried by someone, and apparently it works like a charm)
stage 3 : get your guy friend to call him up and tell him to stay away from you.
HOpefully it won't get to stage 3. coz besides breaking his heart, you're doing it in the worst way possible.
Well, screw it, if only you could look at him and say.. " yeah, i appreciate the fact that you're being awfully nice to me, and i'm honoured to be the object of your affections, but we just won't work out k?"
HOwever, that would involve direct confrontation. And I admit, i dont' have the guts to do that, neither do most of the gals, unless of course, you're super duper desperate. Either way, the friendship will be shot to hell for a period of time.
So if you ask me that question if I"m being accousted by someone I don't having feelings for, I'll tell you, I'd rather not be chased.
But when we're sitting on the shelve and stoning into the distance, it's a different story altogether. Especially when you get a full view of those happy couples who contemptously plop themselves in front of you in the LT or the tram and proceed with extreme cases of PDA ( public display of affection), the loneliness that hits you just makes you want to look skywards and scream Where the hell is Mr right?
I quote my fren,
" the first is sadistic.. but agreeing to teh 2nd option would be plain lying"
I got a mixture of answers from the others... i don't think anyone's one is wrong or right.
For me?
I think at different points of time, i'll probably think differently. like i've explained above.
But anyway, doesn't matter. Don't have to ponder on the problem anymore, thanks to the person who posed the question to me in the first place. :)
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